Friday’s Feast 191:

07:06 PM

Unconscious Mutterings, Week 254:

1. Interview :: job (yikes!)
2. Army :: marching
3. Unwrap :: gifts from a special person 
4. Evolve :: super powers! Mine are clairvoyance and telekinesis. What’s yours?
5. Bus :: money (grr, I hate buses.)
6. The real thing :: 
7. Streak :: meteor. Blast these blinkety-blankety clouds! I want to see the Geminids!
8. Gorge :: Oo, I need to name the one nearby…
9. Spicy :: Where? I love spicy foods! Love, love, love!!! Hot Tamales candy, too!
10. Course :: Stay the… (not good advice if you’re on the highway to hell, LOL!)

randomness…feed your mind and your blog

week of December 16 2007:

Happy Holidays random word association I say, you think:

1. santa: hat (they’re cute)

2. holiday carols: Nothing beats "I have a little Dreidel"

3. snow: Makes me think of the song "Snow" on the movie White Christmas with Bing Crosby. (That movie is hilarious!)

4. mistletoe: ick–don’t make me whack you with a bough of your Christmas tree!

5. season: holidays

6. candy cane: peppermint–good for upset stomach

7. eggnog: *gag*

8. presents: 8–one for each day of Chanukkah!

 

You know what’s funny…when Chanukkah was ended, I was surprised to still see decorations all around town. It wasn’t until I declared to my Girlz that I would dedicate a certain tree decked in all blue lights to the Prince of Arrakis as a Chanukkah tree that I realized my folly. Duh! They may be called Holiday decorations, but they’re still just for Christmas. Nothing like your friends laughing at you to set you straight. LOL!

Anyway…*sigh* I’m afraid I haven’t been able to blog much lately. Life sometimes, augh. First, I was sick, then things started piling up on me. Eek! It didn’t help my mental state when Yochanan was unable to email me for a while. Fortunately, the Prince of Arrakis has found a new internet cafe from which he can continue to share the wealth of his knowledge and creativity with me.  

Meanwhile, I’ve been deluging myself with music by Sarah Brightman, Bond, and Moby, reading Dune, and watching DVDs based on the books by James Herriot (loving it!). I just picked up Angel, Season 1 from the library–on impulse. I hope it doesn’t scare me too much.  

I’m also in the process of getting Israeli dancing started at my synogogue. Feedback has been very positive and enthusiastic. We may even take occasional "field trips" to the dance in Tacoma. Yay! Can’t wait to get started! I just need my CD back that Her Majesty was fixing for me.

There’s a big, all-store review coming up at work on Tuesday. It has the bosses in a tizzy, and their nervousness has infected me. I hope that’s not why my tummy was upset today. I thought I was passed that. I haven’t made myself physically sick by anxiety since junior high. (No, I still don’t take pressure well. I recall hide-and-seek with horror. "Blast it! Just find me already! I can’t take this anymore!") 

It seems whatever the Prince suggests I must do. Though I’ve been considering trying yoga for some time, it wasn’t until Yochi suggested it that I actually took the action off placing holds at the library on anything yoga.

As for other social matters, Imah and I have upgraded our phone plan to include unlimited texting and internet! Yay! We have also gotten myspace IM.

Just for fun, here’s what ringtones I’ve downloaded since getting my Katana:

Allegretto by Bond, Bad Day by Daniel Powter, Deliver Me by Sarah Brightman, Dragostea Din Tei by O-Zone, Explosive by Bond, Fuego by Bond, Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira, Imperial March from Star Wars, Israel National Anthem, Pink Panther Theme, Shut Up and Drive by Rihanna, Suerte by Shakira, Beethoven’s 5th Symphony, Phantom of the Opera, The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani. Nice, diverse set, eh?

I really need to keep myself well rested for that store review. Laila tov! 

10:18 PM

Unconscious Mutterings, Week 243:

1. Crook :: …or by nook
2. Career :: …woman
3. Freckles :: cute
4. Scramble :: the best kind of eggs
5. Mistake :: Make sure it’s really your friend’s brother you’re yelling at on the phone–not their DAD! (Got to be one of my top most embarrassing moments ever.)
6. Telephone :: Interesting game when you’ve got enough people.
7. Thank you :: That is what "Todah" means. (toe…duh!) 
8. Obstruction :: traffic.  Oh! That totally reminds me of a pic I found today
   
9. 24/7 ::  TOO…MUCH…COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10. SciFi :: I love it. Firefly/Serenity. Star Wars. The Core. A friend is getting me interested in Eureka. 

 

Wow. I am beyond words. Ok. That’s not really true. If it was, I wouldn’t be blogging right now. Anyway, I just finished reading Eclipse this evening after work. Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh. I said that already. It was incredible!! I can’t wait for Breaking Dawn!!! (When is it coming out? A whole freaking year?!?!)

Good thing I have something else to take up my attention.  Something I’m even more obsessive about. Something that had me hyperventilating just a little while ago… my novel. 

I just finished typing up the final battle scene (I like to write my stories by hand and then type them up) and it hit me: I’m finished. Done. The story’s over. All I have left is the epilogue–the final wrap-up and the laying of the foundation for volume two.

Hence the hyperventilation.

I’ve never actually written and finished a novel before. Short stories, sure. I’ve even got some novels in the back-log that have been fully outlined.  But not written. Not finished.

True, I’m not actually finished yet, but I’m not about to stop. After all, volume 2 is my favorite in the series.  So, I have a strong motivation. Plus, there’s that other series I want to do…er, two other series. My back-log of stories is more like a flood.

I just can’t believe I’m this close!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Goodbye words–hello happy-dance!

09:23 PM

Unconscious Mutterings, Week 236:

1. Voyage :: Bon…
2. Patricia :: …Polacco
3. Transformation :: popular entertainment theme
4. Vocabulary :: helps to have one if you’re a writer
5. San Francisco:: I left my heart… (I love Chance’s version on Homeward Bound 2).
6. Edward :: …Cullen!!! (Sexier than you since 1901.)
7. Sawyer :: Tom…
8. Literary :: agent
9. Tiger :: Siberian
10. Seal :: Navy…

That’s all folks! (Got to go to work early today.)

08:15 AM

I could have sworn yesterday was Monday. No other day could be so hellish.

See how my mood of the day graphic is "WTF?!" ("What the Fudge" as one of my co-workers says.) Yeah, that sums it up nicely.

I may have mentioned how I have a semi-phobia of buses. Well, I’m forced to ride one to get to my restaurant job (yes, I’m still working there). Unfortunately, Imah dropped me off at the ferry without checking the bus schedule for me (which she usually does). So, I take the ferry and there’s no bus for me at the other side.

Well, you may say "hey, that’s great!" but I had to be at work in twenty minutes, the next bus wouldn’t make it in time, and work was miles away.

I think Imah and I made twenty calls back and forth to each other. I also called my manager for the day and gave him my situation. To release my anger and agitation, I walked about halfway to work and waited (at Imah’s command), tired and soaked with sweat, at a bench for the next bus.

I was still pissed. (And I get to take the bus tomorrow and Friday. Yipee. ) Still, I took that time to work on some calming techniques. After all, I couldn’t go into my customer service job wanting to bash people’s heads in.  LOL!

Amazingly, it worked. I set up the proper posture and began thinking positively. Somehow, I was ok. Mostly. I shrank a little at what I would have to face at work.

Fortunately, I had the best ever manager that day. He’s really great about making us all feel we’re part of a team, and energizing us to do our best. When I remorsefully explained to him what happened (once I arrived 45 minutes late), he told me he’d let it slide. I had no control over what happened, I had called him to let know I’d be late, and it’s not like this happened all the time. "Don’t worry about it," he said, clearly trying to make me feel better.

My shift, short as it was, actually went well. I usually think my best days at work depend on who I’m working with. When certain people are there, I know I’ll have a good day. Yesterday had enough of the right people–and they were in great spirits.

Halfway through my shift, my awesome manager went around and gave everyone a pin. Still feeling bad about being late and not knowing he was giving them to everyone, I gaped when he gave me a pin. He just grinned and said something like, "You’re gonna be part of the team, you’re gonna dress like us." That was cool. Although, I still look at the pin like, "What the dickens am I doing with this?" I’ll just say it’s my "I have an awesome manager" pin. Yeah. That works.

Oh, for the record: today, dull as it was, was just fine. I watched Princess Bride last night while snacking on popsicles and pears. I slept in this morning. Then, I worked on some more unpacking. My room is done for the time being. All I need now is the pink carpet and mirror panels to cover two of my walls (for a dance studio effect). Oh, and (I decided today) a white board to write my schedules (work, exercise, special events) on. That old chalkboard–much as I love it–is not going to work.

It’s so nice to see my clocks up (I’m an admitted clock freak), my posters posted, my Sasha Cohen memorabilia, my stuffed animals peeking curiously at their new surroundings, my canopy drooping luxuriously over my bed. Oh, the ecstasy of opening boxes. *gasp* "There that is!" "Oh, I found it!" "Wow! I can’t believed I lived without that!"

It’s beginning to feel like home. 

06:40 PM

I woke up at 6:30 this morning with a stomach flu. My first thought, as I rolled over in bed to look at my clock, was "Oh my God! What am I doing awake this early?" Then, the nausea crept into my gut like an insidious tide. The room around me tilted and swam dizzily.

Oh. That’s why.

Though puzzled that I was sick in the morning when my stomach usually decides to get sick in the evenings, I nonetheless enjoyed being able to just lie in bed. It’s been forever…at least, it seems that way.

When I awoke again, I decided to kill time by listening to New Moon. I almost stopped because a few minutes into where I had left off last night, all the characters started coming down with the stomach flu.

I just chortled at the irony and kept it playing. The flu part of the story didn’t last long; and it wasn’t like I could eat anything anyway. *rolls eyes*

What’s really annoying is when I get sick like this and yet still (in some part of my body) feel hungry. I mean, does that make any sense at all? Nauseated and hungry at the same time?!

By the afternoon, I sick of flat, plain, gentle foods. Yesterday’s lasagna called my name seductively. I knew my stomach couldn’t handle that, but I asked Imah just in case. She laughed at me. Oh well. A girl can dream, can’t she?

And, hey, at least I got some ice cream out of this. That makes everything all better. *shut up, you stupid stomach!* Yep. All better.

Here’s some quizzes I took because I’m sick of being sick:

You Are An Orange Girl

You live in the fast lane. You love action, risk, and competition. You’re spontaneous, enthusiastic, and persuasive. But you’re also easily bored - and love to rebel against structures. You resent rules … as well as people’s attempts to control you! What Color Girl Are You?

What can I say? I have a split personality. An agressive side and a mild side. My mother once discussed me with a friend who turned out to be familiar with psychology and the like. He defined me as "passive aggressive". Yeah, that’s sounds about right; better than Imah’s term for me: "sly/sneaky".

I prefer a mostly peaceful existence with occasional breakouts. I’m not much of a risk taker, though (breaking Imah’s rules every once in a while is about as far as I’ll go).

But, yeah, I do have a thing about control. I guess I’ve just known too many controlling people and saw how they hurt people’s lives.

Your Nail Polish Color is Pink

How you’re unique: You’re girly without being high maintenance Why your style rocks: You’re the perfect blend of stylish, preppy, and cute What this color says about you: "I am secure enough not to follow every trend" What Color Nail Polish Best Fits You?

Oo! My favorite color! (Despite my current fondness for dark reds).

I do think of myself as girly, and I am often complimented on my clothing style. I think my friends need a reminder not to puff my head up too much. I come complete with my own high ego, thanks.

Your Power Bird is an Eagle

You are spiritual and able to soar to great heights. You are a true inspiration, and many people look to you for guidance. And you are quite demanding in relationships… but you’re worth it. People know that you will become even greater than you imagine. What’s Your Power Bird?

I’m not so sure I’m a spiritual person so much as I’m fascinated by the spiritual realm. Yeah, my dreams and goals are often set (frustratingly) high. I hope to God no one looks to me for guidance. I’m still dealing with that rebel in me. I am demanding…but I’m so worth it. *wink* I only hope I can reach some of what I dream for my life.

You Are A Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Girl

Creative. Expressive. Unique. What Flavor Ice Cream Girl Are You?

*smug shrug* What can I add to that?

08:40 PM

I’m exhausted from work. I wish I could have danced today. At least I got some stuff from the library: The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman and New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. I’m reading The Subtle Knife first though I yearn for New Moon because the former is shorter…and because the latter will probably overshadow the former again.

Right now I just want to rant. My friend Cara, my age, is married and has recently had her first child; Her Majesty is getting married practically a few days; C4 apparently has a new boyfriend. Then, there’s me. Spoiled, soured, speedily returning to my reclusive, anti-social self.

My depression has faded, but that old feeling of wanting to avoid people–in general, not my friends–has gotten a strong clutch on me. I’ve gotten horribly crabby toward Imah. I keep blaming it all on the stress of moving and our current financial fiasco. So, while my general mood has lightened, I bury myself in music and audiobooks and wear my sunglasses whenever I go out to avoid visual contact.

Ha! And Imah worries about me going goth. She has no idea.

Anyway, about my single-ness. I do not regret it. As I oo-ed, ah-ed, and screamed with my Girlz at the fireworks on the 4th, I was totally happy. The thought flashed through my mind that this was what I needed. I’m just not ready for a serious relationship. I’m immature, egotistical, and most of the time my head is in the clouds dreaming up fantasies (which, sadly, I rarely get to write).

I have fun teasing and flirting, but I don’t want a relationship…not right now. Maybe I have too much on my mind. Josi’s wedding, my housewarming party, Trin’s road trip, my plot to get all the friends I can to Sol Duc Hot Springs.

Then, there’s the little things that tug at the back of my mind: a new cell phone, a (certain) digital camera, pink carpet for my bedroom, a new website/domain,
new this and that for clothes. Nevermind the bills. (I’d put "LOL" right here, but I’m not in a laughing mood right now. How about a sardonic snigger?)

And my job. Oh vey. Imah and I just can’t seem to get along and I’ve pretty much given up trying. I just try not to lose my temper or give in to the despair that I’m too dreamy-headed to make it in the world on my own. Financially, I really need another job, and as Imah pushes me toward another clerical office job, the despair returns.

Argh. What I want right now more than anything is to follow my
passion and write. But if I could find a job that fits my other artistic obsessions…that would be fantastic. Seriously. Singing, acting, dancing, modeling, reading books for recordings…something along those lines.

I can only pray I don’t go stark, raving mad when Imah teaches me how to prepare a lease agreement tomorrow. Oh dear God. My inclination is to say: "I thought you were supposed to be a merciful God?" However, it could be worse.

Actually, I have it pretty damn good (if you’ll excuse the language). I live where I work. This not only saves me time and gas, but whenever the Boss needs some extra help, I’ll be available to earn some extra money. Good money, too. I live a few minutes from my Girlz and near several great places to shop or just hang out. My bedroom is the room of a princess (or, at least, it will be when I’m finished with it). I have a rockin’ awesome view from my room/the living room/the backyard–the awesomest on the 4th of July (hmm, maybe on New Year’s, too…). The physical part of my job (the cleaning) is sure to keep me in shape. I’m a few minutes from my Girlz. Oh. Did I mention that already? <3

I’d better get to sleep soon. Just a little bit of ice cream while my mind hovers in the worlds of The Subtle Knife…where the character’s greatest concern is Dust. *hugging my pink, winged unicorn* I wish I had a "daemon".

10:49 PM

Yay! We’ve moved! Well…sort of. There’s been some complications, so the move is progressing slowly. However, we are now sleeping in our new home. I practically bought myself a new bedroom in my gleefully obsessed attempt to re-decorate. I have a "new" bed with hearts carved into the head- and foot boards; a sheer pink canopy with butterflies and pink jewels; a blinged out clock with two layers of large, diamond-like jewels around it (and Roman numerals); a full length mirror with deep pink edging; and soon I’ll be getting some pink carpet. 

Yeah, just in case you weren’t aware I like pink.

So, yeah, I’m happy here. I use the word "happy" carefull because, as I mentioned above, there have been complications. Thankfully (Baruch HaShem), the worst has passed. Before it had, I was telling myself "Look, Her Majesty is getting married in just a few short weeks. Just try to make it through, be happy at the wedding, and fall to pieces when she’s safely away on her honeymoon."

I really thought I was past my states of depression (wishful thinking?) but, hey, it’s probably just the stress of my hectic work-7-days-a-week schedule.

Perhaps the greatest thing keeping me sane lately (since I’ve been without internet access), is listening to audiobooks. I must say my friends rose to the occasion when I fretted over not having anything to read. My Evil Twin, with her typical (almost frightening) enthusiasm, urged me to read the series called His Dark Materials. (Now, how could she possibly know such a title would appeal to me?) An old friend, Ashley, encouraged to me read to read Twilight–which I later learned was about vampires.

At first, I felt I was in a dilemma. One friend wants me to read this, another friend wants me to read that. Then, it hit me. I, who, back when I had unlimited time on my hands and thus could never read too much, would read a different book for each day of the week–would simply read both books suggested to me! 

I got The Golden Compass (the first volume of His Dark Materials) and Twilight on audiobook because I thought it was more compatible with my schedule. I listened to The Golden Compass first (because it was shorter) and loved it. I was eagerly waiting for the second volume to get to library (it’s a short wait for me because other people already had holds on it).

Notice I said "was"? Eh-heh. Yeah. Then, I listened to Twilight. Now, I’m obsessed. All day long, I’m snatching what I can of the audiobook, longing for evening to come so that I can go home and listen without interruption. Working, eating, showering…it’s all an annoying interruption from this thrilling, fascinating tale of a girl who falls in love with a vampire.

I got home today excited and eager to return to the story, for I had reached the thrilling part near the end that I rarely allow myself to read/listen to at night; and I knew I couldn’t listen to it at work. I had to give it my full attention. Also, I knew it was going to be scary. Having just gotten past that part, I am now thankful I chose not to listen at night. *whew!*

I may or may not finish Twilight tonight; I’m on the last CD, though. I’m just worried about how it has dimmed my interest in His Dark Materials. I keep wondering if maybe I should just finish one series and then the other. *shrug* Maybe…

On a final note here, I just wanted to add something totally frivolous because I thought it might make my friends laugh. I have this…issue. With guys. After Twilight, I think it’s gotten worse. You see, I have a bad habit of "falling in love" with fictional men. Yeah, that’s right. Laugh. (Hey, I’m laughing, too–sheepishly, but laughing nevertheless.) So now, I’m infatuated with Edward–the vampire. I see myself rejecting a potential boyfriend.

"What?" he asks. "Am I not good enough for you?"

"Actually, no. You’re not," I answer coolly.

"Why not?"

"Well, you see…" I brush my toe against the ground, "you’re not a vampire." 

Hmm. Maybe I should tell them that when I want to scare them away. For some reason, telling them about my youthful escapades of dissecting slugs doesn’t work all that well anymore. 

Much blood…I mean, Much love!! *nervous giggle* Farewell!

08:35 PM